Tim Vine Quotes British Comedian Born: March 4, 1967 Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese.
He said 'I'm not stopping you.
Top 10 joke at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe, 2012. All rights reserved. All the comics from my childhood, who were funny without swearing, were the people that influenced me. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first.'
"Edinburgh fringe's 10 funniest jokes revealed" by Mark Brown, www.theguardian.com.
'”, “I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me, ‘Can you give me a lift?’ I said ‘Sure, you look great, the world’s your oyster, go for it. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. And a voice said 'You are. - if you're doing silly stuff you're not tempted to put swearing in. Ive decided to sell my Hoover… well, it was just collecting dust. I said: ‘I bet I know what your favorite Christian festival is.’ He said: ‘You have to love Easter, baby. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said: "Is that a fret?". '”, “I’d like to start with the chimney jokes—I’ve got a stack of them. One-armed butlers, they can take it but they can't dish it out. Surely everybody hits the ground when they're running. ', Do you ever get that when you're half way through eating a horse and you think to yourself, "I'm not as hungry as I thought I was". And a voice said 'You are.'.
Conjunctivitis.com — that’s a site for sore eyes. If Hangry is being so hungry you feel angry, is ungry being so angry you feel hungry? That's bang out of order. You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
I said: ‘I want to make a complaint—this vinegar’s got lumps in it.’ He said: ‘Those are pickled onions. So I got home, and the phone was ringing. ― Tim Vine. February 10, 2012. I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past. The one I was in went back and forwards. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?"
They left a little note on the windscreen, it said ‘Parking Fine.’ So that was nice.”, “I was stealing things in the supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of vampires. Permalink; Print; Facebook; Google; MySpace; Del.icio.us; Digg; StumbleUpon; Wikipedia; Email to; Name: Tim Vine Books & Videos: Tim Vine Books & Videos Type: Comedian Nationality: British Birth Date / Year: March 4, 1967.
Placed second on the list of top jokes at the 2011 Edinburgh Festival. I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it."
I said "Ooh, I'll just have one please". So I went in to a pet shop.
I … I said, "I can't make Tuesdays.". My house is a bit like a teenager's bedroom.
32 Tim Vine Quotes - Inspirational Quotes at BrainyQuote. People ask 'do you make a conscious effort not to swear?' Then every day I write 15 jokes minimum.
I was charged with shoplifting on three counts.”, “Do you ever get that when you’re halfway through eating a horse and you think to yourself, ‘I’m not as hungry as I thought I was? 'The journey is the destination'. My DVD cellophane was put on by a psychiatrist. It's either my mum or my dad. You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. The first one is on the house." Ive decided to sell my Hoover… well, it was just collecting dust. I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down. I think about the 44 tour dates and keep imagining standing in front of all these people.
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